The Road Ahead
by Melanie Palacio

         The gasoline pumped awfully slow. Aries found great satisfaction in the fumes wafting into his nostrils and bringing about a nostalgic feeling, though he couldn’t bother trying to imagine what memories the smell brought. Instead, he focused on the gas pump and watched as it drudged along to $30—the amount he paid inside while grabbing snacks and hot chocolate to last him and Gemma the next few hours. Gemma, on the other hand, only sat and minded her own with her headphones stuck in her ears. She barely spoke to Aries throughout the car ride so far, and any time he tried to get her attention, she would look out the window or pull her beanie further down her forehead. Aries applauded himself for having so much patience with his younger sister because quite frankly, Gemma’s behavior made him want to repeatedly face-plant into the steering wheel every time she shifted in her seat in order to avoid interaction.

         Finally, the gas finished pumping, and Aries closed the gas cap, returned the pump to its holder, and took his place behind the wheel. He started the car and cranked the heat, rubbing his hands together so vigorously that one might’ve thought he was igniting a spark between his palms. Gemma was sitting in the same position she was in before Aries went inside to pay, the only difference being that she was munching on mini powdered doughnuts and sipping on steaming hot chocolate. To Aries’ surprise, she wasn’t wearing her headphones, but he could still pick up on her energy that was telling him, “Don’t say a word to me unless we’re in danger and you’re about to drive off a cliff and kill us.” Like a typical big brother, he ignored that cue and spoke anyway. “Is the hot chocolate any good?” No answer. “Do you want something else?” Silence. “Are you making it your goal to be a brat and not say a word to me this entire trip?” A subtle nod of her head. Aries let out a brief sigh, muttering, “You can’t ignore me forever, Gemma.” That statement was aimed more toward himself than her, because he made it a goal to get her to talk at some point—the long drive home to Portland gave them some time. While on the road, Gemma continuously ate the snacks Aries bought. He took comfort in knowing his sister didn’t despise him enough to not eat the food he purchased, but on the other hand, it meant she was only relying on him for sustenance and couldn’t care less for anything else he had to offer; but no matter, at least he was keeping her alive. 

         The jagged edges where the mountains met the horizon were now the subject of Gemma’s focus; she was staring at them so intently as if to paint images of them in her mind and hang them up in her memories. She always had a knack for paying attention to details, especially in nature; this painful road trip with her older brother gave her a great excuse to gaze out at the scenery, and an even better reason to avoid interaction with him. Even though she seemed like an angsty young adult, she never cared to convince anyone, much less Aries, that she was the opposite. But maybe she didn’t have to ignore him forever.

         “Do you ever think about why the mountains look so purple in the wintertime?” she asked him. At this, he was surprised. He hadn’t heard his sister’s voice for the car ride thus far, so hearing her voice now sent him into a state of mild shock—she did ask him a question, so the least he could do was answer.

         “I don’t know…I’ve never really thought about it. Why do you think they look like that?” For some reason, Aries felt like he was entering uncharted territory by attempting to converse with Gemma; even though she could retract at any time, he would entertain her as long as she wanted to speak.

         “Beats me,” she replied. “I just like how they look. Even driving through them, they still have this purple tinge. I wish they looked like this all the time.”

         “Do you like coming out here, Gem? I know it might feel weird now since this is the first time we’ve done it since Dad died…he was always the one that suggested bringing you out here with us whenever we went on our skiing trips.”

         Gemma went silent for a minute or two, leading Aries to feel like he struck something within her that caused her to shut down again, but she surprised him once more when she answered. “I do…every time I came out here with you two, it always made me feel closer to Dad. He taught me how to ski and snowboard, and whenever you would do your own thing, he took me to his favorite slopes. No matter how many times I fell, he always helped me back up. I miss him.”

         “Yeah…me too. It’s too bad Mom never came out here with the three of us. I’m sure she would’ve loved seeing you and Dad together.”

         “Right, like she’d ever leave the comfort of her Portland suburbs,” Gemma scoffed. “I don’t understand why she always refused to come to the cabin with us. I begged her, and she never wanted to. You’d think after losing Dad, she’d want to be with us more, but…” Before she continued, Gemma sighed and shut her eyes, feeling the heat from the vents hit her face. She hadn’t talked about her mother this whole trip, but now it struck a nerve.

         It made sense to Aries now. Gemma wasn’t upset because of something he did—it was the combined stress of losing their father and the absence of their mother that filled her with angst and no way to channel it. Being fifteen years her senior, Aries felt an obligation to be somewhat of a third parent to Gemma; whenever she felt like she couldn’t confide in their parents, he would be there for her to vent about whatever was bothering her, and this was no exception. So instead of keeping her cooped up in his car with her emotions and a half-eaten bag of powdered donuts, he decided to take her to a spot he hadn’t visited in years. “Let me show you something, Gem. I think it’ll help you feel better.”

         After driving for a few more miles, Aries pulled onto the shoulder that led to a line of blocked-off parking spots. He drove into one and shut the car off, reaching for his worn beanie he discarded in the backseat. “Come on.” Without a word, Gemma got down from the car and followed him to a ledge enclosed by a sturdy metal railing. He stood in the corner and breathed in the crisp air of the mountain range, basking in the cold breeze that quickly left a rosy tinge on his cheeks and the tip of his nose. 

         “What is this place?” Gemma asked him while brushing loose strands of her hair behind her ear. She buried her hands deep in the pockets of her coat, wondering why neither her brother nor her father ever brought her here before. With a view like this, it certainly seemed like a place she would’ve frequented had she known it existed.

         Without looking at her, Aries replied, “Before you were born, Mom actually used to come up to the cabin with me and Dad every year.” He felt Gemma’s eyes drill holes into his temple, but his gaze remained on the snow blanketing the treetops and every inch of the valley below. “I know it might seem like she doesn’t want to spend as much time with us since she doesn’t come out here anymore, but she has her reasons.”

         “And what would those be?” Gemma wasn’t defensive or interrogative—she was genuinely curious, because this entire time, she was under the impression her mother never came out here, even when Aries was an only child.

         “The biggest one is that Dad proposed to her on this very ledge. At that point, they had been coming up here together for two or three years.”

         “But why would that be a reason for her to never come here again?”

         At this, Aries pondered deeply. For a while, he asked himself the same question. Though he understood now why his mother didn’t come back here anymore, he was just as frustrated about it when he was around Gemma’s age; shortly after she was born, it  was reduced to just him and his father traveling up to the mountains, and while his mother initially claimed she wanted to stay home to care for an infant Gemma, he felt like it was much more. Now understanding his mother’s decision in full, he made his peace with it, but he felt an obligation to help his sister do the same because she took the shift in their family dynamic the hardest. Hopefully, bringing her to this spot would help. “Well…I guess she associated this place with that memory so much that she didn’t want to remember it for anything else. It’s almost like it’s sacred to her, and with Dad dying, I’m sure she’d prefer to keep her memories happy instead of filled with the grief of knowing he’d never bring her here again.”

         “But we can do that, Aries,” Gemma insisted. “Shouldn’t she want to make more happy memories of this place by being here with her kids?” Trying to understand her mother’s logic had Gemma’s mind running in endless circles; at this point, Aries was the only one that could help her come to some sort of conclusion, and she hoped he would do just that. He was always a pillar of guidance for her, the one person she felt like she could truly fall back on and he’d be there to catch her. While her parents were some of the most incredible people she ever knew, her connection with Aries seemed to transcend familial attachment. He was the one she went to whenever she needed to vent about her bad day; the one she ran crying to when she scraped her knee; the one she laughed with after pulling practical jokes on her parents. Gemma was so tightly bound to her brother that the first word she ever said was not “mama” or “dada,” but “Aries.” (In reality, it was more along the lines of the word “airy,” but it was more than enough for him to brag about.)

         “I know it’s hard to understand, Gem, but I don’t think I can make total sense of it either, even for your sake. All I can tell you is that Mom and Dad realized they were soulmates here in this spot. If that’s how she wants to remember it, so be it.”

         “When did he first bring you here?”

         “When I was eighteen. You were almost three, so it was way before we started bringing you along. He pulled into the same parking spot I did, stood in the same spot I’m in right now, and stood me next to him just like you’re next to me. Hearing how he asked Mom to marry him right where we’re standing made me cry, because I realized he wouldn’t have done that for anyone else in this world except her, and he told me I should do the same when I found someone that complemented me like Mom did him. That way, whenever it did happen, we would feel like we were on top of the world and nothing could knock us down. But I felt like I needed to bring you here so you could better understand not just Mom, but Dad too. If he had the chance to, I’m sure he would’ve brought you here eventually and told you the same things I just said, but he would’ve done a much better job. I could never put into words the emotion he expressed when he told me about him and Mom. Hopefully, I did him some justice by bringing you here.”

         Aries averted his gaze from the valley to the sky above, tracing every curve of the clouds and wishing he’d find his father in them. Though his father’s passing occurred a few months after their last trip to the cabin, it still felt fresh to both him and Gemma. Despite them handling the situation differently, the pair found solace in being able to go through it together. Gemma would never admit it to Aries, but she saw so much of their father in him; he always made her feel safe, and she knew she would never find a better confidant than him. The things she wouldn’t dare tell her parents were always reserved for conversations with Aries in which she would threaten to beat him over the head with her softball bat if he so much as thought of telling a soul the things she told him. It only happened once when Gemma was fourteen and he let it slip that she kissed a boy for the first time after going to the movies with her friends; her immediate response was to hurl her shoes directly at his face and attempt to suffocate him with one of her throw pillows, but their father convinced her it wasn’t the right time to attempt to kill her brother, telling her, “He already has the I.Q. of a cinder block, Gem, give him a break.”

         After processing and pondering over everything Aries just told her, Gemma followed his gaze toward the clouds and peered through a gap revealing a gray patch of sky. Snow began to fall at a leisurely pace, landing delicately on her face and in her eyelashes. She hadn’t even realized she began to cry until a warm salty tear found its way between her parted lips. In an attempt to make sure Aries didn’t notice, she hastily ran the back of her hand under her eyes, but he picked up on it; being as close as they were, it was his sixth sense to determine when something was wrong with Gemma. Instead of asking her what was wrong because he knew it would make her uncomfortable, he simply extended his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her against him. Taking it as a sign that she was free to express emotion without judgment, Gemma nearly fell into him, wrapping her arms around his torso. As she buried her face into his coat, she let her tears fall freely and mix with the snow that graced the surface of her cheeks. All of the tension Gemma had been harboring in her mind and heart finally spilled over, the weight of her burden now being carried by her tears. Although Gemma never came to proper terms with her father’s death, she knew being here with Aries in the spot that meant so much to their parents would be a step in the right direction.

         “I’ve got you, Gemma…it’s okay,” Aries whispered while holding her close. He struggled to fend off his own tears, eventually letting them seep from the corners of his eyes that were virtually sealed shut. Seeing his baby sister crumble in front of him was a rare occurrence as she always tried to maintain an aura of stoicism about her, but there came a time when everyone reached their breaking point. For as long as he could remember, she was hard-headed and had the sharpest of wits, always ready with a caustic comeback whenever he picked on her. Aside from right now and when their father died, Aries couldn’t recall the last time Gemma cried like this. She wasn’t one to show much emotion, even in front of their parents, but when it was just the two of them, Aries made sure she felt no shame, judgment, or embarrassment, because when someone was as much of a hard-ass as Gemma, setting time aside to have a good crying session was necessary.

         “I just miss him so much. I never thought we’d lose him.” Even while being muffled by the layers of his clothes, Aries heard the defeat in Gemma’s voice. While he did appreciate her being able to finally loosen the reins on her feelings, he wished it wasn’t under these circumstances. At least he was able to make a memory with her that would tie them to their father forever.

         “Why don’t we get back on the road? It’s colder out here than I want to admit and my fingertips are already going numb.” Gemma chuckled softly at Aries’ comment before getting back in the car. He opened the door for her and waited until she was settled before he shut it, quickly running around to the driver’s side and getting into his seat. After letting the car warm up for a few minutes, he pulled back onto the road and continued following the scenic route through the mountains. The air between him and Gemma was noticeably lighter, and he felt as if a weight lifted off of them. Their relationship as siblings took a new turn, and he knew the path they were about to go down would prove to be good for them.

         As for Gemma, she was glad Aries brought her here. While she didn’t anticipate the overwhelming wave of emotions that came crashing down on her, she knew it was for her own benefit; she understood her parents a little better, and she had a newfound appreciation for her brother. Though they were born fifteen years apart, they were never closer to each other than now, and in this moment with the road ahead of them, they would embark on a new journey one mile at a time, rounding every twist and turn before reaching their next destination—and they would make it there together.