The shower is small and blank. I'm staring straight ahead, trying to focus on staying sane. As the hot water runs down my body and seeps through my pores, I let out two small tears from each eye. The tears run down my face, and the warm water wipes them away as if it was a present parent. I look down at my feet, and I see my blood mixing with the warm water. I admire it for only a second until the drain does its job. I grab the green soap bar, and I start to lather up my body. First, I run the soap around my neck. Then I coat my back with the cucumber scented bubbles. I stop for a second, and I close my eyes as I hear the familiar whispers. "No," I state. "I already did what you wanted. Please, let me shower in peace." I open my eyes, and I gaze at my left forearm. A sudden rush of disappointment starts to fill my heart, and I let out a sob. I drop the bar of soap as my arm starts to throb violently. The blood leaks freely from each of the six gashes, and I softly run my fingertips through each individual wound. I suddenly begin to feel numb as the blood escapes from my veins and the relentless whispers start to fill my head. You should've cut deeper. I begin to shake my head aggressively. You should've cut deeper. "Leave me alone, dammit!" I state into the empty void. You should've cut deeper. Do it. I begin to sob as the warm water caresses my skin. "Why can't you just leave me alone?!" I state as I fall to my knees. If you do it, then I'll let you be. I stand to my feet, and my hand reaches for the razor that's lying beside the shampoo bottle.

​

***

​

I step out of the shower and onto the white rug. My bloody feet wrap around the fuzzy threads, and the watery blood soaks into the cotton with no hesitation. I carefully wrap my left arm with a thick gauze, and I proceed to dry off the rest of my body with a warm towel. I slowly walk into my bedroom as the whispers follow me. You should've cut deeper. Coward. In hopes of trying to forget my mistake, I slap on the coziest pjs I can find. I turn off the lights, and I carefully crawl into bed. You're such a waste of human space.

​

My body starts to shake as the adrenaline leaves my body. I stare at my arm with regret, and I begin to sob in silence. "I'm so sorry," I whisper to myself. No, you're not. My eyes lock as they look towards the ceiling. The whispers start to circle through my mind, and the darkness plays tricks with my eyes. My heart rate slowly starts to increase, and I shut my eyes. "No more."